shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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