You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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