He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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