Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
