i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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