And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
