A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
