I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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