it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The air was thick with penises
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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