just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
