i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
