I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
