Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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