if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
