I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
