dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
me + whiskey = a bad person
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
