So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
last night I used snow as a chaser
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
