Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
