went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
