did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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