My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
