I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
