so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
