I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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