just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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