ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
