I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
