Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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