Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
