1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
