We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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