Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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