Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
