Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
