I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When are your genitals available?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
