i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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