Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
