D3 body, D1 cock
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
