You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
