Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
