I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
