your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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