I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
