I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
