She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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