no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Acid is not a monday night drug
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
