I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
