Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think my moral compass just broke
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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