I bet he comes in French.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
