Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
