just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
